


Pretending to love you, pretending I don't

by Heath17_KO5



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:04:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22041367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heath17_KO5/pseuds/Heath17_KO5
Summary: “Oof. You need a girlfriend.”“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Sonny looks absolutely miserable, but Lindsey knows there’s no way she’d just back out of the party. For starters: it’s a party. Plus, Sonny has more pride than that. If only there were some cute, single girl she could set Sonny up with on short notice. She WANTS to help. She wants to make the frown on Sonny’s lips and the desolate look in her eyes go away.“I’ll be your girlfriend.”The words are out of her mouth before she’s thought them through. It’s a horrible idea. One of the worst she’s ever had, really.akaHoliday-ish Soran fic
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 15
Kudos: 206





	Pretending to love you, pretending I don't

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mostly while sick, so hopefully it doesn't suck. As always, please let me know your thoughts in the comments! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all!  
xx

“I need a girlfriend,” Sonny whines. 

“You’ve mentioned that before,” Lindsey says without looking up from her sudoku. 

“No but like really,” Sonny says, a hint of desperation in her voice that makes Lindsey look up. 

“You know vibrators are a thing,” Lindsey suggests. 

Sonny glares. “It’s not about sex, Linds.”

“Then why do you need a girlfriend so badly?” 

“Because Bailey just gave me the heads up that Tania is gonna be at her Christmas party.”

“Wait, Tania like your ex Tania?”

Sonny nods. 

“Tania who dumped you a week after you gave her those gorgeous diamond earrings?”

“One and the same, yes,” Sonny confirms. “Tania who is now engaged.”

“Oof. You need a girlfriend.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Sonny looks absolutely miserable, but Lindsey knows there’s no way she’d just back out of the party. For starters: it’s a party. Plus, Sonny has more pride than that. If only there were some cute, single girl she could set Sonny up with on short notice. She WANTS to help. She wants to make the frown on Sonny’s lips and the desolate look in her eyes go away. 

“I’ll be your girlfriend.”

The words are out of her mouth before she’s thought them through. It’s a horrible idea. One of the worst she’s ever had, really. 

It’s made even worse by Sonny’s immediate laughter. 

“You?” Sonny asks incredulously. “Who’s gonna believe that, Linds?”

“We could say it’s new and we’ve been keeping it on the down low,” Lindsey says defensively. “Friendship has been known to blossom into romance before.”

Sonny makes a face that says she is far from convinced, but she says, “I guess. I just feel like we’re gonna get laughed out of the party the second we suggest it. I mean we don’t exactly act like we’re into each other.”

Lindsey ignores the way her heart skips a beat at Sonny’s words. She’s gotten good at ignoring the abnormal pitter-patters she gets in Sonny’s presence now that she’s figured out  _ why _ they happen. 

“We hang out all the time. We facetime regularly in the offseason. We comment things like ‘snackety snack’ under each other’s photos on instagram. We do interviews together. And there are at least a dozen photos of us draped all over each other,” Lindsey argues. She rattles off the list easily. It’s everything she tells herself means nothing more than it appears to be on the surface. 

Sonny squirms in her seat and frowns. “Yeah, I guess. But...It’s us. We’re…” she gestures vaguely between them. “Dasani and Linessi. Wouldn’t it be weird?” 

_ Very _ , Lindsey thinks, but it’s not for the reasons Sonny thinks. She says. “Not really. It’s not like we’d really be together.” 

Sonny looks like she’s considering it. “I just don’t think people will buy it.” 

“Well what if we test it out first? Like pretend between now and the party when we’re in public and see how it goes? If people laugh the first time we suggest it then we won’t do it.” 

She’s not sure why she’s working so hard to talk Sonny into this. There’s no way it’s going to end well for her. 

“We’re gonna have to really sell it for people to not call us out in front of Tania at the party.” 

“I’ll have you know I am a fantastic actor. My parents gave me rave reviews as Tree #2 in our 1st grade production of Winnie the Pooh.” 

Sonny laughs so hard she snorts and Lindsey grins and they’re just them, easy like it should be. 

Except Lindsey’s brain can’t leave it there. She wants to, but she can’t. 

“Do you not think you can pretend to be attracted to me for a week?” Her tone is joking, but there’s a tension under her words, bubbling just beneath the surface. 

Sonny looks her over as if appraising her. “I mean, you’re pretty hot. I can probably manage.” 

It’s a joke.

Sonny’s teasing her. 

And yet her words curl tight and hot in Lindsey’s chest. 

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Sonny asks, her tone turning serious again. 

It’s an out. Lindsey should take it. If she had any sense she’d be saying, “No, you’re right, it’s a bad idea.” Instead she smiles and she nods. “Yeah. It’ll be fine. Fun even.”

It’s going to be horrible. 

  
  


They decide to start with a coffee date at a spot they’ve been to a few times before but not so much that they REALLY know them. They just want to see if relative strangers might buy the idea that they have some chemistry. That’s what Lindsey says, anyway. 

She reminds herself over and over that it’s not a real date. 

It’s a fake date. 

They’re pretending. 

Sonny doesn’t really mean anything when her hand falls to Lindsey’s knee as she laughs, warm and firm and steady. 

It doesn’t mean anything when she leaves it there, either. 

It shouldn’t make her heart race the way it does when Sonny leans in close and whispers, “There’s a guy at your eight o’clock who’s been checking you out for like the last five minutes. I think maybe we need to sell this a little better.” 

She leans in. What else can she do? “Oh yeah?” she asks, and maybe she’s a better actor than she thought because she manages to send Sonny flirty eyes and convince herself she doesn’t mean them at the same time. “How dare he check out your new girlfriend?” 

Sonny’s face is close and her eyes register surprise, but there’s a smirk on her lips and she moves her hand higher up Lindsey’s leg. Not too high. Not inappropriately high, but high enough that it’s less friendly and more possessive. 

Lindsey has to force herself not to look at it. She tells herself she’s not suddenly flushed with heat. 

“Right? The nerve. I mean, you’re hot, but also I thought it would be obvious that you’re taken,” Sonny comments. 

Her words make Lindsey’s heart skip a beat. The way that Sonny’s breath falls hotly on her cheek makes it hard for her to breathe. 

She hopes Sonny doesn’t notice. 

“Apparently not. But, guys can be really dense,” Lindsey replies, hoping it’s not too obvious the way her voice has dropped and sounds a little hoarse now. 

Sonny’s eyes meet hers, and they’re so close that Lindsey can see the patterns in her irises. It’s almost too much, and somehow not nearly enough all at once and then Sonny’s leaning into Lindsey’s ear and saying, “Guess we’d better spell it out for him,” so close that her lips ghost against Lindsey’s skin. 

Lindsey doesn’t think when she turns and places a kiss just by Sonny’s lips. She can’t think. Her heart is beating too fast and she can’t quite remember how to breathe and they’re not even really kissing and she still can’t think. 

“Woah,” Sonny murmurs, and now her breath is hitting Lindsey’s lips and it would take so very, very little to close the gap and kiss her properly, but some tiny part of Lindsey’s brain that focuses on self-preservation keeps her from doing it. “That oughta do it.”

She pulls back and glances past Lindsey and then grins smugly at Lindsey. “Well, maybe we can sell this after all because he’s turned away.”

Lindsey can’t talk. She doesn’t trust her voice. She doesn’t trust her body anymore either. She just nods vaguely and tries to focus on how to breathe. 

_ In and out. In and out. In and out.  _

She might not survive an entire week of this. 

  
  


Lindsey expects at least a little resistance when they tell Caitlin and Ellie. They’re some of their best friends, after all. They spend SO much time with them. It’s a rushed test that she’s sure they’ll fail, but the worst that happens is two more people are in on their secret, so it’s not that big of a deal. They’ll help them sell the lie if nothing else. 

Lindsey doesn’t expect the exclamation of “Dammit!” from Caitlin and the gleeful, “YESSSS!” from Ellie. She doesn’t expect the exchange of money or the grumbled, “Couldn’t you two have held off until the new year?” from Caitlin. 

“What?” Sonny asks, her brows furrowed. 

Lindsey’s a little too stunned to voice anything, but she and Sonny are definitely on the same page. 

“She’s mad because I had December in the pool,” Ellie replies. “Thank you. I can now afford my Christmas shopping.”

“Sorry...WHAT?” Sonny repeats. 

“Please, you two didn’t think you were subtle, did you? We’ve been taking bets on when you’d get together for months now,” Ellie explains.

“And I thought you wouldn’t manage it until January. New Years’ resolutions and such,” Caitlin grumbles.

“Whereas  _ I _ knew that the magic of Christmastime would inspire one of you to take the leap now,” Ellie says, clearly delighted. 

Lindsey looks at Sonny, who looks back at her just as confused. Her cheeks are tinged pink and Lindsey almost blurts out right then and there that they’re just faking it because Sonny is clearly embarrassed by this turn of events, but if their best friends are fooled, maybe this whole thing will be easier to pull off than she thought. 

“You BET on us?” Lindsey demands, attempting to sound more annoyed than self-conscious. 

Ellie and Caitlin ignore the question, and instead lean in as Caitlin says, “So go on, tell us, what’s the story then? Who finally cracked?” 

Lindsey looks at Sonny whose mouth is opening and closing wordlessly. They hadn’t really talked about it. They probably should have. 

“I did,” Lindsey lies. Well, it’s a half-lie. Those are easier to keep up. “I asked Sonny out.”

“Ha! I was right about THAT!” Caitlin says, holding out her hand. Ellie reluctantly gives a portion of the money back. 

“So when exactly did it happen? And how? We want every detail!” Ellie declares. 

Sonny and Lindsey exchange another look. Lindsey shrugs. 

“I guess I just realized that I couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t have feelings for her,” Lindsey says. Except she is pretending. She’s pretending that she’s pretending in the first place. The lies are already starting to feel like too much, like they’re going to crumble away the ground beneath her. 

“And I said yes because I was tired of not kissing her every time I thought about it,” Sonny recovers well. 

Too well. Too confidently as she wraps an arm around Lindsey’s waist. 

Meanwhile all Lindsey can think about is the word “kiss”. 

It’s all so much. 

And of course Caitlin and Ellie latch onto that word, too. 

“Ooooh! So there’s been kissing?” Ellie asks. 

“Please, they probably jumped into bed together the first chance they got,” Caitlin says. “Of COURSE, there’s been kissing.”

Lindsey’s cheeks are flushing what’s she’s sure is a dark shade of red and she dare not look at Sonny right now. 

“A lady never kisses and tells,” Sonny manages a reply, her voice only cracking a little. Obviously she’s as shocked as Lindsey is, but she’s a little faster at finding her voice. 

Probably not actually WANTING to jump into bed with her helps with that. 

Lindsey’s too busy trying not to think about scenarios where they ARE in bed together to form a coherent sentence. 

It suddenly feels like Sonny’s arm is burning across her back, her hand setting her hip aflame where it’s settled. Sonny gives her a little squeeze, and she’s sure it’s meant to be reassuring, but it’s honestly making the room spin just a little. She leans into Sonny, more for balance than to sell their story, but Ellie says, “Awww,” and Sonny holds her even tighter.

“You okay?” Sonny murmurs in her ear. 

She’s so close. She’s so THERE. It’s overwhelming. 

Lindsey forces a smile and a nod. “Fine, babe.” She throws the nickname out easily, but she feels the way that Sonny tenses beside her. 

She’s the one who wanted to make sure it was believable, Lindsey tells herself. She tells herself that she hasn’t been dying to be able to call Sonny that this whole time. 

(She tells herself that answering “fine” isn’t the biggest lie she’s told so far.)

  
  


Tobin finally calls them out. She’s the only one who isn’t so easily sold. 

Tobin knows her. She knows her so well and she’s known her so long, and she sees right through her. 

She doesn’t do it in front of the team, though. She invites them over instead. Something about showing them some new artwork and having dinner. 

She doesn’t spring it on them right when they arrive, either, but Lindsey can feel her eyes on them from the moment they arrive. 

She pulls out a new piece she’s spray-painted with a heart just off-center. It’s cool, but Lindsey feels more like she’s making a point than asking for opinions on her art. 

Sonny’s still doing her best to sell it, too. She keeps her arm around Lindsey’s waist. It’s almost starting to feel familiar with how often she does that when they’re out and about now. Like Sonny’s insistent on everyone knowing that Lindsey is hers, even if it’s all an act, all just for show, not remotely real. 

Sonny’s hand falls to hers when they sit down at the table and her fingers trace patterns along Lindsey’s arm as Tobin puts food out on the table. 

They’re touches that are so innocent they could mean nothing, but they’re touches all the same, and it makes the pressure in Lindsey’s chest coil that much tighter. 

Lindsey plays into it too. She tries to, anyway. 

She tucks Sonny’s hair behind her ear when it starts to fall into her soup, making Sonny look up at her in a way that nearly makes her heart beat out of her chest. 

She rests a hand on the back of Sonny’s chair as they chat. 

It’s not enough. 

Tobin finally leans back and says, “Okay, what’s the real story with you two?”

Sonny furrows her brows. “What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean,” Tobin replies. 

She’s so easy-going, so chill, so SURE, that Lindsey caves. 

“I’m helping Sonny out so that she doesn’t seem like she’s dateless at Bailey’s party.”

Tobin looks between them and lets out a laugh. “Wait really? What’s so wrong with being dateless?” 

“My engaged ex-girlfriend is gonna be there,” Sonny mutters. 

Tobin laughs again. “So?”

“So??” Sonny echoes in disbelief. 

“It’s Tania. Tania as in dumped Sonny out of the blue and now she’s engaged less than a year later,” Lindsey explains. She’d always been suspicious of the breakup and the timing for the engagement makes her blood boil on Sonny’s behalf. 

“Tania as in I was gonna ask her to move in with me and instead she dumped me,” Sonny mutters. 

The words freeze Lindsey in her tracks. She hadn’t known that. Her mouth goes dry and she can’t help the way that her body stiffens. She only hopes that Sonny doesn’t notice. 

Tobin does, though. Lindsey can tell in the way she raises her eyebrow just a little at her. 

“Okay, so Tania sucks. You won a world cup. You’ve got great friends. You’re a fun person. You don’t need a fake girlfriend.”

“I mean obviously it’d be better to have a real girlfriend,” Sonny says and Lindsey pretends the words don’t cut through her. “But Lindsey offered, and I just can’t face her by myself.”

“By yourself at a party full of your friends,” Tobin points out. “That Lindsey would have been at anyway.” 

“It sounds kind of stupid when you say it like that,” Sonny mumbles. 

“Yeah,” Tobin agrees. 

“It’s not stupid,” Lindsey argues. “It’s extra moral support. We’re not hurting anyone.” 

_ Except me, _ Lindsey thinks, and from Tobin’s expression, she knows. 

“Okay.”

“Anyway, everyone else believes it,” Lindsey adds.

“Yeah,” Tobin nods. “I’ve heard. I almost did.”

“So what gave us away?” Sonny asks. “We have to be believable for the party.” 

Tobin leans back and shrugs. “Nothing specific. I just know you too well.” 

“Okay, but like...should we touch more? Use pet names? What?” Sonny presses. 

Tobin shakes her head. “Nah. Just be yourselves if you’re gonna do it.”

“But like-”

“Look, you’ve known each other a long time. You’re close. You know each other well. Just act like yourselves.” 

It sounds like good advice, but Lindsey knows it’s the most dangerous advice of all. 

  
  


“You doing okay?” 

It’s an innocuous question, really, so Lindsey just frowns and says, “Yeah.”

“I mean with all of this with Sonny,” Tobin supplies. 

Her heart starts beating a little faster and she glances down the hall to where Sonny’s just going to the bathroom before they head out. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Lindsey doesn’t know if it’s the slight squeak in her voice or just that Tobin knows her so well that gives her away, but Tobin’s answering smile is kind. 

“Lindsey,” she says, and her tone says that she knows. 

She knows just how much Lindsey isn’t really pretending at all. 

“I’m fine,” Lindsey tries, but the lie falls uneasily from her tongue. 

“You should talk to her honestly,” Tobin advises. 

“I do. All the time.”

“Without the guise of pretend,” Tobin says. 

Lindsey sighs, but she can’t admit it. She barely admits it to herself, there’s no way she can admit it to Tobin with Sonny just down the hall. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Tobin smiles again and pulls her into a hug. “Love might surprise you,” Tobin murmurs into Lindsey’s shoulder, and then there’s a flush down the hall and Tobin is pulling away and Sonny flicks water at her when she exits the bathroom. 

“Miss me?” Sonny asks with a grin. 

“Never,” Lindsey lies, forcing an answering grin on her face. 

Sonny pouts and Lindsey kisses her on the cheek to make it go away and Tobin knows. 

She knows without Lindsey having to admit anything at all. 

  
  


“Hey, Linds! How’s my dumbass sister’s favorite fake girlfriend?” 

Lindsey glances at Sonny. She didn’t know that she’d told Emma, but she shouldn’t be surprised. 

“Favorite? Are there others?” Lindsey jokes, ignoring the way her stomach twists in knots at the idea. She leans into Sonny a little more so Emma can see her better through the screen, and tries to ignore just how warm Sonny feels pressed against her side.

“She wishes,” Emma replies with an easy smile that’s so similar and yet so different to Sonny’s. “You’re too good for her, though.”

“Heeeeey! Where’s the wombmate solidarity?” Sonny protests as Lindsey laughs.

“Lindsey’s cooler than you,” Emma retorts which only serves to make Lindsey laugh harder.

She laughs right up until Sonny pinches her in the side, except it’s a little high and a little to the front and then suddenly all Lindsey can think about is how close Sonny just came to touching her boob. 

Emma’s giving her a funny look when she makes eye contact again. 

“You’re both off my Christmas list,” Sonny declares. 

“We’re not,” Emma replies. “You love us.”

There’s something in the way she says it, her eyes trained on Lindsey instead of Sonny, that makes Lindsey squirm uncomfortably. It makes her think maybe Emma knows too. Maybe she’s trying to remind Lindsey, without calling her out directly, that Sonny’s love is strictly platonic. 

She doesn’t need reminding. She knows. 

(She pretends it doesn’t hurt.)

  
  


“Maybe we should set some ground rules,” Lindsey suggests. The party is a day away and they’ve been pretending for almost a whole week when they’re in public, and everyday it feels like Lindsey is getting closer to breaking. 

“Okay,” Sonny agrees. “Like what?”

Lindsey shrugs. She pretends she hasn’t been thinking up ground rules since her stupid, treacherous brain initially came up with this dumb idea in the first place. “I dunno, like...do we kiss?”

Sonny’s eyes go a little wide, like maybe she’d never even considered the possibility that they might, and now Lindsey’s mind is racing, trying to figure out a way to backtrack, a way to seem like she hadn’t really thought about it. 

“I mean...I guess? We could. It’d sell it better, probably. Not a lot. I mean, we probably shouldn’t just make out in the middle of the party.”

Lindsey’s mouth feels dry, but she manages a small laugh as she nods. “Yeah, that’s a little tacky.”

“Um, I mean we’ve done kisses on the cheek, so those for sure. What if...I mean, it just might be weird to kiss in front of everyone. Like...I mean…” Sonny’s fumbling and it’s a little reassuring that at least this conversation is awkward for both of them as Sonny’s cheeks turn a pale shade of pink. “Like, I just mean, we might be awkward since we HAVEN’T actually kissed before. The chemistry might be...I dunno. I don’t want you to feel like you have to just because I dragged you into this mess in the first place. Like, you don’t HAVE to kiss me. I don’t want...We’re friends, like, I mean-”

“We could practice.”

Honestly she’s not sure what the fuck is wrong with her. It’s like her brain and her mouth have a disconnect somewhere and her mouth likes to just spout the STUPIDEST ideas ever without running them past her brain at all. 

“Kissing?” Sonny asks, and her cheeks are a darker shade of pink now. 

Lindsey offers what she hopes is a reassuring smile and nods, just slightly. “Or not. I mean, whatever. We can just say kissing anywhere but the cheek is off the table. That’s probably the best thing, really. I mean even if we practiced it might still be awkward in front of other people and then we’re just like kissing here just the two of us, which is obviously weird because we’re just friends and only pretending to date and-”

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, we should, like, practice, probably.”

“Oh. Okay.”

This is not okay. This is the furthest thing from okay. 

“Now?” Lindsey asks, feeling her cheeks burn and her palms getting clammy. She prays that Sonny just puts it down as this whole thing being awkward rather than reading feelings into it. 

“I guess,” Sonny says, sounding unsure. 

“How weird could it be? Two best friends kissing…” Two best friends where one is completely in love with the other. Sure. Totally not weird. It definitely couldn’t go wrong. 

“Right,” Sonny says. “Okay, well...Here goes, I guess.”

She starts to lean in, but then she breaks into a nervous laugh and shakes her head. She blows a raspberry and shakes out her upper body, then looks back at Lindsey. “Okay. Serious. Kissing like we mean it.”

The words cut through her, and any awkward laughter that had been tempted to spill out of her is pushed away by the pain. 

Sonny brushes some hair back from Lindsey’s face and cups her cheek, her palm hot and a little damp as it rests there, and she’s leaning in with her eyes fluttering shut, and Lindsey can’t breathe. She can’t think. Her heart is threatening to pound out of her chest and Sonny’s moving closer and it’s all she can do to react. 

Sonny’s lips are soft and warm and tentative. The kiss is quick, over before Lindsey can properly respond. 

There’s a look, just for a moment, in Sonny’s eyes as she pulls away, but it’s gone before Lindsey can really absorb it, let alone identify it. 

“That wasn’t so weird,” Sonny says, her voice a little hoarse. 

“Not very convincing probably,” Lindsey replies, hating herself as she does so. 

“Probably not,” Sonny agrees. 

And then Sonny is kissing her again, less tentative, her lips pressing firmly against Lindsey’s. 

Lindsey knows she can’t melt into the kiss. She tells herself not to give in, not to respond. Not too much. Not too eager.

But Sonny pulls back just enough to reposition and kisses her again, her lips slightly parted, and Lindsey has no choice but to lean in. She brings a hand up to the back of Sonny’s neck without thinking about it, holding her closer. Her brain is thinking too many things at once so that it almost feels like a blank hum running through her mind as Sonny deepens the kiss ever so slightly. 

There’s no tongue, there’s no REAL intimacy, but Sonny’s lips move against hers just a little and there’s a moan threatening at the back of Lindsey’s throat just from so little, and when Sonny does pull away, properly this time, there’s a tiny strangled whimper that escapes Lindsey’s lips. 

Sonny breathes out heavily, her eyes trained solidly on Lindsey, her cheeks so flushed they’re almost red. “Okay. Well, that was...I think we’re okay. If that’s what- We’ll be okay. That was, um, good. We- I think people would believe that. We...Yeah. That was...Yeah. Good. Okay, so kissing like that is fine, but nothing more because we don’t want to be THAT couple.” 

Lindsey’s trying to catch up. She’s trying to process what just happened and Sonny’s words all at once. She’s trying to remember what the hell they were talking about in the first place. All she can think is that she kissed Sonny. She kissed her and she wants to do it again. 

(And again and again and again.)

“Huh?”

“The ground rules,” Sonny says, her voice a little more high pitched than normal, and Lindsey knows this is weird for her. 

“Right. Rules. Right.”

“Kisses like that are okay? I mean not a lot. Just like, one or two for effect?” Sonny suggests. 

“Right,” Lindsey repeats. 

“And hand holding? Arms around each other? All good?” Sonny asks. 

Lindsey nods. “All good,” she echoes. She feels like she’s in a daze, like maybe someone else is having this conversation and she’s just listening in. 

“Pet names? Yay or nay?”

“Um, yay,” she agrees. 

“Cool. You’re shnookie bear,” Sonny says with a sly grin. 

Lindsey shakes her head and manages a feeble laugh. It’s just Sonny. It’s her best friend. She’s ignored her real feelings for a while now. This isn’t a big deal. She needs to not make it one. “Okay, pet name privileges revoked,” she declares, her voice sounding almost normal. 

“Pookie pie?” Sonny suggests. 

“Nope.”

“Shmoopie boopie?”

“What even?”

Sonny laughs and Lindsey laughs with her. 

“Let’s stick with the basics like babe,” Lindsey suggests. 

“So unoriginal,” Sonny teases. 

It’s easy. Ish. Easy-ish. It’s them. It’s normal. 

It doesn’t matter that they just kissed because they’re just friends and they’re just pretending. 

Except Lindsey’s not pretending at all anymore. 

  
  


It feels like a real date when Sonny picks her up. Sonny’s wearing a cute blue dress and heels and makeup and her hair is down and the sight takes Lindsey’s breath away for a moment. She smiles shyly at Lindsey and Lindsey is acutely aware of the way her eyes sweep over her red jumpsuit, her heels, her hoop earrings. 

“You look...really nice,” Sonny says. 

“Thanks. You do too,” Lindsey replies. 

“It’s gonna be a shame to ruin our outfits with these,” Sonny adds, holding up the paper bag she’s carrying. 

Lindsey gives her a skeptical look and cautiously takes the bag from her, opening it up. 

“I mean, is it really a Christmas party without ugly Christmas sweaters?” Sonny asks with a grin. 

Lindsey pulls one of the sweaters out and sees a Christmas tree with the words “Get Lit” above it. 

“They’re the same. I figured matching screamed ‘couple’,” Sonny explains. 

“At least you didn’t get us one of those two person sweaters,” Lindsey comments, ignoring the treacherous part of her brain that says that it might not be so bad being stuck in a sweater with Sonny all night. 

“If you hate it, you don’t have to wear it,” Sonny says. 

“No. It’s...I mean, you’re right. What’s a Christmas party without ugly sweaters?” She tugs the sweater on and it’s surprisingly comfortable. 

“Huh, you make that look good,” Sonny comments. 

It catches her off-guard and gives her this warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest and she finds herself blushing already. “Put yours on,” she says instead of answering. 

Sonny does so. “There. All coupled up,” she declares after she tugs it over her head. 

Lindsey tucks some of Sonny’s hair behind her ear and says, “Yeah. Ready to pretend we’re dating for the night?” 

Sonny grins. “As I’ll ever be. You?”

“You took the words right out of my mouth.”

  
  
  


She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready at all. It’s one thing to pretend in small doses around a few people at a time, and something completely different to walk into a party full of their friends arm in arm, acting like they’ve been properly dating for a little while now. 

Sonny’s back is tense beneath Lindsey’s hand and Lindsey knows that the knots forming in her shoulders are going to cause her pain for days. 

“See her yet?” Lindsey asks in Sonny’s ear. 

Sonny shakes her head. “Let’s pretend she’s not going to be here. I can’t watch for her all night. If I see her, I see her. In the meantime I’m here with a gorgeous date who happens to also be my best friend.” 

If Sonny’s going to compliment her like this all night, she’s not sure she can take it. Every smile Sonny sends her way, every compliment, makes Lindsey want to surge forward and kiss her, or worse, tell her the truth. 

She manages a smile, though, and she wraps her arm a little tighter around Sonny, ignoring the way it feels a little possessive, like she’s telling everyone at the party that Sonny is hers, even if only really for tonight.

(Even if it’s not real at all.)

  
  
  


They find Tobin and Sinc kicking butt at the foosball table. Ellie, Caitlin, and Hayley are nearby, and it’s easy-ish to settle in there. 

Tobin still knows, and her eyes say so when she greets them, but she doesn’t sell them out. 

The Australians want more details, Hayley especially, and this time their lies are more polished. They’ve talked through their story a little more, and it’s easier to sell. Lindsey doesn’t feel quite so much like she’s lying as Sonny smiles at her and presses a kiss to her temple and she leans in closer to the touch. 

“Aww, you two are cute,” Hayley comments. 

“Gross, but cute,” Ellie says, and Sonny sticks out her tongue at her while Lindsey laughs. 

It almost doesn’t feel like acting. 

Not as Sonny’s hand comes to rest on her thigh and Lindsey naturally snuggles into her, wrapping her arms warmly around Sonny. 

“Bordering on nauseatingly cute,” Caitlin chimes in. 

Sonny grins and turns to Lindsey, and she’s so close. So close and she rubs their noses together, obviously playing up the nauseating angle. 

Lindsey can’t help herself. She kisses her. Just quickly. The tiniest of indulgences. A chaste peck to the lips. 

It earns her another “awww” from Hayley and an eyebrow raise from Tobin that she ignores. 

Instead she focuses on the way that Sonny’s fingers are rubbing up and down on her thigh, just a little, not inappropriately, but it’s enough to make her uncomfortably turned on. Not that she lets it show. 

Sonny manages to steer the conversation away from them and their relationship, but her hand doesn’t leave Lindsey’s leg and Lindsey finds herself playing with Sonny’s hair, curling it around her fingers. 

It’s almost too easy. It’s so comfortable just being there with her, being allowed to touch her so freely, even if it’s just for show. 

And then suddenly it’s not.

Sonny’s hand grips her thigh and her shoulders tense and her gaze is locked across the room. 

Lindsey looks and she sees why. 

She drapes an arm across Sonny’s stomach, holding her closer as she stares Tania down on her approach. There’s an (admittedly attractive) redhead on her arm that looks vaguely familiar. One of the trainer’s sisters, she thinks maybe, which would explain how Tania got an invite to this party in the first place. 

Tania’s shaking her head by the time she reaches them. “I always knew you two would end up together. That’s half of why I left you,” she says instead of a greeting. 

The word “half” jumps out to Lindsey, and, if the way that Sonny tenses even more is any indication, she notices it, too. 

“Hi, Tania,” Sonny greets, her tone civil, but barely. “Congrats on the engagement.”

Tania’s smile is wide as she drapes her arm around the redhead and flashes her engagement ring. “Thanks. I’m a lucky girl.”

“You were,” Lindsey mutters, holding Sonny just a little tighter. 

“Congrats on finally not lying to yourself about Lindsey,” Tania adds. 

Sonny’s hand falls from Lindsey’s leg, and Lindsey tries not to feel hurt about it. She answers on Sonny’s behalf, instead. “Thanks. We’re very happy together.”

It sounds forced, even to her, but fortunately Tania’s redhead murmurs something in her ear and Tania says, “Right, well, nice to see you. We should really make the rounds. We can’t stay too long. We have another party tonight, too.” 

Lindsey relaxes as Tania walks away, curling more into Sonny. “God, I hate her,” she grumbles, but Sonny stays tense. 

“Don’t,” she replies. 

“Why not?” Lindsey demands. She shouldn’t be angrier on Sonny’s behalf than Sonny is for herself, but that’s very much what it seems like in this moment. Tania broke Sonny’s heart. As much as Lindsey wishes that Sonny hadn’t been in that deep in the first place, she’s not going to be quick to forgive someone who hurt someone she cares about so much.

Sonny turns back to her finally, her smile forced, her hand coming to rest lower, on Lindsey’s knee, “Because she’s not worth it.” 

Lindsey wonders when Sonny started telling lies in this situation, too. 

  
  
  


“Are you sure you’re together?”

Lindsey doesn’t expect to be cornered as she waits for the bathroom, least of all by Tania, and yet here she is. “What?” she asks. 

“You and Em. Are you sure you’re together? You seem a little awkward. Like, I don’t want to make you feel bad, but the way she looked at me when I said hi...I’m just not sure she’s over me. I don’t want you to get hurt, you know?” 

“Well, thanks for your input, but we’re very happy together. I’m not worried.” Her tone is definitely cold, and Tania must have some sense of self-preservation because she throws her hands up appeasingly. “Okay! Sorry. I’m happy to hear that. Emily’s great. She deserves to be happy.”

It’s too little too late, as far as Lindsey is concerned. Her hackles are raised and her defensiveness has kicked in, and she’s not going to let a few nice words from Sonny’s ex calm her down. “Yeah. She is great. She’s fucking amazing! She’s smart and funny and gorgeous and she always wants to make other people smile and she’s so fucking talented, but so humble at the same time.” 

Tania takes a few steps back as Lindsey rants and Lindsey can’t help feeling a little bit victorious. 

“You’re right,” Tania agrees. “She’s all those things. Well, plus amazing in bed, as I’m sure you know, but she wasn’t the one for me.” 

Tania’s words make Lindsey’s blood run cold. It’s a slap in the face, a harsh reminder that Tania has had Sonny in ways that she never has, that she’s only pretending to have her. It stings more than it should and suddenly her nausea is a much stronger urge than her need to pee. 

“Right. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

She doesn’t finish her sentence. She doesn’t respond when Tania calls after her, “Weren’t you waiting for the bathroom?” 

She just finds the nearest exit and steps outside for some fresh air. 

It’s all just pretend. 

Everything she said about Sonny is 100% true, and she can’t even say any of it to her because Sonny isn’t hers. 

Not really. 

When she’d suggested this stupid idea, she’d never realized just how much it would hurt. 

  
  
  


“So that whole honesty thing didn’t happen, I take it.”

She’s made it back inside, but she’s giving Sonny a little space, so of course Tobin came and found her. 

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Lindsey replies, her voice sounding steadier than she’d have thought given her still racing heart. 

“Sure.” Tobin nods and leans casually against the wall beside her. “Just out of curiosity, how many times have you kissed her?” 

Lindsey groans. “Not that many.” 

“Let’s pretend you’ve counted,” Tobin says knowingly. 

“Three,” Lindsey sighs. 

“And you haven’t told her you want to kiss her more,” Tobin concludes. 

Lindsey doesn’t answer. She doesn’t need to. Tobin knows. She always just knows. 

“What happens after the party?”

“What?”

“Do you pretend to stay together for a while and then quietly break up? Do you have a massive fight tomorrow? Do you pretend to stay together until you’re not pretending anymore?”

Lindsey’s chest feels tight and painful. She hasn’t thought about it. She hasn’t WANTED to think about it. Why hadn’t they talked about it? How stupid could they be?

“I don’t know,” she admits in a small voice. 

Tobin pats her sympathetically on the arm. “Maybe you should talk to her. Honestly. Tell her how you feel.” 

It sounds good in theory, but Lindsey knows that in practice all it will do is make this whole situation blow up in her face more than it already is. 

Before she has a chance to respond, though, Sonny finds them. Sonny in her “Get Lit” sweater with her rosy cheeks betraying the way she’s a little bit tipsy and her beautiful bright eyes. Sonny who isn’t really hers, but who’s wrapping her arms around her neck like she is. 

“Hey there, girlfriend,” Sonny greets her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

Tobin just raises her eyebrows and shrugs as if to say, “It’s up to you, dude.”

“Thought I’d lost you there, for a bit,” Sonny says. 

Her breath is falling hot on Lindsey’s cheek and her eyes are looking at her so expectantly from so close. 

It’s starting to feel like too much and Lindsey doesn’t know what to do about it. 

“Nope,” she manages to croak. 

“Wanna help me kick Foord and Raso’s butts at foosball?” Sonny asks. 

“Sure,” Lindsey replies because she doesn’t know what else she can do right now but fall in deeper and wait for everything to implode. 

  
  
  


They win their third game in a row. They win and they throw their arms up in triumph and Tania comes over and says “I’ve got next game”. 

They win and Sonny throws her arms around Lindsey and kisses her square on the mouth, no hesitation, no tentativeness. 

They win and Sonny kisses her with her lips slightly parted like she hasn’t even heard Tania or realized that she’s there, and it’s all so much. 

It’s all TOO much. 

Lindsey can’t. 

Because this isn’t pretend. 

This isn’t acting. 

And she can’t anymore. 

She breaks the kiss with tears already spilling from her eyes, the words “I’m sorry,” falling from her lips before she’s even properly pulled away. 

“I”m sorry, I can’t.” 

Sonny looks confused, her brows creased in a way that Lindsey might have found adorable if her heart wasn’t too busy breaking because none of tonight has been real. 

“Linds, what-?”

“I can’t pretend anymore,” Lindsey says, and she’s detangling herself from Sonny and stepping back, forcing space between them, not caring about the confused looks of friends and colleagues. Not caring that Tania is right there and the entire reason for their entire stupid plan will know it was all a lie. 

She can’t do it. She can’t kiss Sonny like it means nothing when it means everything. She can’t act like she’s in love with Sonny when she actually is and Sonny has no idea. 

“I’m sorry, Sonny. I just...I can’t!”

She turns and runs. She barely hears Tania’s triumphant “I knew it!” She barely hears Tobin’s, “Hey! Lindsey!” She doesn’t stop to find Bailey and thank her for hosting or say goodbye to anybody. She heads straight for the door and doesn’t stop even when she remembers that Sonny was her ride and she has no immediate way to get home. She heads up the road and walks and walks, not entirely sure that she’s even heading in the right direction, and then she DOES hear the pounding of feet behind her. 

“LINDSEY!” Sonny yells, and Lindsey slows, then stops. She lets her catch up. 

She should probably apologize. She let Sonny down. She exploded their plan. 

“Lindsey,” Sonny pants. “Are you...What happened?”

She looks so confused and Lindsey wishes that she could go back to pretending. She wishes she could say, “Ha, got you!” and they could go back to the party arm in arm and keep up the act.

But she can’t. She can’t and now that she can’t the words start to bubble out. 

“I can’t Sonny. I can’t pretend to date you. I wanted to and I thought I could, but I can’t, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry Tania knows you’re not actually dating anyone. I’m sorry I suggested we lie to our friends. I’m sorry I came up with this whole stupid idea in the first place because the funny thing is that this whole time I haven’t been pretending at all. And I can’t keep pretending that I’m pretending. I can’t keep pretending that every time I touch you and every time I’m near you it doesn’t really mean anything when it actually does. I can’t keep pretend dating you when the truth is that all I really want to do is this.”

It’s her stupidest idea yet, but she does it anyway. She cups Sonny’s face and she hesitates just for a second, and then she kisses her. It’s not a pretend kiss. It’s not for an act. 

She kisses her like she means it because she does. 

She kisses her hard and a little needy. She kisses her with parted lips and eyes closed tight. She kisses her like she’s wanted to this whole time, swiping her tongue into Sonny’s mouth, letting herself believe, just for a moment, that Sonny wants her back. 

And then she pulls away and she turns away and she starts walking again, blinking back the tears that are threatening to fall as Sonny doesn’t chase after her. Her chest aches and her vision blurs as the tears persist, and she pulls out her phone and manages to call for an Uber to pick her up a few blocks away and she tells herself it’s all over now. 

She doesn’t have to pretend anymore. 

(Except she pretends all the way home in the Uber that their kiss wasn’t a goodbye kiss, that she didn’t just blow up the best friendship she’s ever had. She pretends right until she falls into bed, stupid ugly sweater still hugging her body, that her heart isn’t shattering into a thousand pieces.)

  
  
  


She doesn’t really feel like entertaining. She turned her phone off last night and she hasn’t turned it on again. She doesn’t want to turn it on again. If Sonny has texted, she doesn’t want to know what she’s said, and if she hasn’t...Well, that’s maybe even worse. 

She knows she owes people an apology, but she can’t find the energy. Not today. 

Today she just doesn’t want to deal with people. 

That’s why when there’s a knock at her door she ignores it. 

Maybe whoever it is will just go away and assume she’s not home. 

When the knock happens again a little louder, she still doesn’t get up from the couch. 

She doesn’t make a sound. She just waits. 

The knock comes again, but this time it’s followed by a voice. One that makes her heart start to race and the nausea that she’d woken up with come back full force. 

“Lindsey, I know you’re in there.” 

She doesn’t sound mad. By all rights she could, but she doesn’t. Maybe that’s why Lindsey gets to her feet and moves towards the door. She doesn’t open it though. 

Sonny knocks again. “Lindsey, come on, I really need to talk to you.” 

Lindsey slumps against the door. “Go home, Sonny.” 

“Not gonna happen.”

“Well I’m not opening the door,” Lindsey warns. 

“Guess I’ll just get comfortable out here, then,” Sonny replies. 

Lindsey waits. She waits for Sonny to say something else. When she doesn’t Lindsey thinks that maybe she’s left after all. She peers through the peephole, but Sonny is still standing there, looking at the door. 

“You’re going to get cold!” Lindsey says. 

“Maybe you should let me in, then,” Sonny replies. 

“Nope!”

“Then, I guess I’ll get cold.”

Lindsey peers through the peephole again, and Sonny’s arms are crossed in that way that means that her mind is made up. She’s not going to leave until they get to talk.

Lindsey doesn’t want to talk, though. 

Then again, if there’s any hope of salvaging their friendship, any at all, it’s probably going to involve talking to Sonny. 

She unlocks the door and opens it, just a crack, then steps away. 

Sonny pushes it open and steps inside hesitantly. 

Lindsey makes no effort to hide the way her eyes are rimmed red or she hasn’t bothered to brush her hair today. 

Sonny’s seen her look worse, probably, and it’s not like she’s trying to impress her right now. 

Lindsey starts to head to the couch, wondering if Sonny will follow, but Sonny closes the door behind them and then catches her wrist. 

“Linds,” she says, her voice cracking. 

Lindsey stops, but she doesn’t turn around. 

“Lindsey,” Sonny tries again. 

Lindsey turns but doesn’t look up. She can’t look up. She doesn’t know what she’s apt to find on Sonny’s face, but she knows she can’t face whatever it is. 

She flinches away when Sonny reaches out to brush fingers through her hair and smooth it down a bit, but Sonny, after a moment’s hesitation, does it anyway. 

“I’m sorry,” Lindsey mumbles, feeling her cheeks flush. “I shouldn’t have dumped that all on you last night. I shouldn’t have had the stupid fake dating idea in the first place.”

Sonny puts a finger to her lips, just briefly, but it’s enough to make Lindsey stop talking. 

Sonny takes a deep breath as if she’s steeling herself for something. 

Something like explaining to Lindsey that she doesn’t feel the same but wants to stay friends. Lindsey knows it. She knows it, and she braces for the words. 

“Do you remember when you had the idea?”

Lindsey nods. “Yeah, and you didn’t want to and you were right. Sonny, I never wanted this to get in the way of our friendship and-”

“Do you know why I fought you so hard on it?”

Lindsey frowns. She thought she’d known. “Because it was stupid?” she hazards her best guess. 

“No,” Sonny replies, and finally Lindsey meets her gaze, curiosity getting the best of her. This hasn’t gone anything like she’d have thought so far, so maybe if she actually properly looks at Sonny she’ll get an idea. 

Of course, that’s probably a mistake, because Sonny looks gorgeous as ever. There’s not a drop of makeup on her face and her hair is brushed back into a messy bun and she’s wearing an oversized Thorns sweatshirt and she’s still the most beautiful person that Lindsey has ever seen. 

“Why then?” Lindsey asks when Sonny doesn’t continue right away. 

Sonny takes another deep breath. “I fought against it because I knew I couldn’t handle it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to just pretend to be dating you, but you suggested it so easily, so I just thought- I thought you didn’t feel the same way. I thought you couldn’t if you could just throw that idea out there, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying no. I couldn’t say no because I couldn’t explain that the reason it was such a very bad idea was because I was in love with you.” 

Lindsey’s mouth falls open and her heart beats even faster in her chest. There’s no way that she really just heard the words she thought she did, right? She starts to say something, but Sonny keeps going. 

“I couldn’t say that because you were so insistent and there was no way you felt the same, but all week every touch, every kiss, every EVERYTHING wasn’t an act at all. It wasn’t pretend. And then at the party you did what you did and you said what you said and...It blew me away, Linds. I wanted to tell you then, but I couldn’t react fast enough because there you were standing in front of me making my dreams come true and all I wanted to do when you walked away was this…” 

Sonny’s hands are soft on her cheeks, but her lips are demanding as they meet Lindsey’s. 

Lindsey gasps, she can’t help it, but it’s swallowed by Sonny’s lips, by her hands sliding into Lindsey’s messy hair. Sonny walks her back into the wall without breaking the kiss, deepening it, kissing her with lips and teeth and tongue, kissing her like Lindsey’s been dreaming of kissing her for months. 

Sonny pulls back, just enough to gasp for breath, but Lindsey follows, claiming her lips once again. 

It’s only then that Sonny’s words properly sink in.

“Can you go back to the part where you said you’re in love with me?”

Sonny grins and runs a finger along Lindsey’s jaw. “I’d rather go back to the part where you said all you wanted to do was kiss me.”

Lindsey’s body floods with warmth and she smiles into their next kiss because there is a next kiss. There is a next kiss because Sonny is in love with her. 

There’s a next kiss and it’s not pretend at all. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I was originally gonna end with smut but then I ran a fever. If there's interest, I'd consider a smutty epilogue at some point! Let me know!


End file.
